I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything so, please forgive my lag on writing. It seems I’ve been naughty not writing in any of my blogs this month.

I just received a comment from a distraught mother of a two year old wild man! I feel her pain. If she reads this, please know that there is help out there for you.

I’d start with your son’s doctor. Take him and and have the doctor evaluate your little dynamo. If your doctor seems reluctant demand that he/she refers you to a specialist or psychiatrist.

I’d also want family therapy, especially if you’ve got more than one child.

What people don’t understand is that this one little child disrupts the whole family structure.

Really, think about it — if you’ve got more than one child, [let's say you have four kids] one kid with ADHD can make the other children feel as if they’re outcasts.

Why, because with an ADHD kid, they demand all, if not most, of their parent’s attention. With one child getting most of the attention it’s safe to say that the other children will feel left out. Therefore, it’s IMPERATIVE that the parent(s) get help. Over on my sidebar ===> there’s a partial list of online help.

Sometimes even a spouse will feel left out. Not only will they feel left out, they’ll be angry at the other spouse and the child. This is another reason why the family as a whole needs professional help. Get that help NOW!

In this day and age the computer and the Internet are wonderful tools but, nothing replaces one on one professional help.

I can’t emphasize how important getting help for your special child is. If you don’t get help while they’re young, you’ll wind up living the nightmare I’m living.

I have a 27 year old man living with me who’s hard to handle. Yes, he’s my son and I dearly love him but, there are times when I don’t like him. He still throws things and pesters everything that has breath.

People don’t like dealing with him because he’s irritatingly busy. His favorite past time is to play tricks on people. If I’m in the shower he’ll sneak into my bedroom and sabotage my bed or my cell phone. He’s ALWAYS doing something that drives me nuts.

I’ll reiterate, if you’ve got a child like this get help NOW!

Please pardon the pun I’ve taken from the tax commercial, I just couldn’t help myself.

There’s nothing that can be more lonely or isolating than being a parent with an ADHD child.

I’ve said it before, it’s vital that parents like this must have a support system outside of family and the established friendship setup.

When you have an ADHD child you quickly learn who your true friends are and yes, this includes family.

When Drew was growing up, our experience with family and friends was a nightmare. Not many of our family members and friends could understand or would try to understand Drew’s disability.

Yes, Drew was wild, I mean he was literally the Tasmanian Devil personified. When people saw us coming they immediately remembered that they had something else to do or there was somewhere they had to be.

My first reaction would be to get offended.

Of course I did!

Deep down inside I was screaming for relief myself but understood their reactions.

But, on the flip side, I couldn’t understand how family or friends couldn’t or wouldn’t lend a hand to help me.

So, my feelings were hurt when, suddenly “poof”  they’d disappear. As a matter of fact, sometimes I swear, I saw dust trailing their heels.

Drew was loud, aggressive, destructive — who wouldn’t high-tail it when they saw us coming. He’s 26 now and people still look for a way out when they see him coming.

Just because we’re a parent doesn’t mean we’ve resigned from the human race. We’ve got feelings, wants, desires. Most of all we want understanding and compassion.

We want people to understand that our ADHD enegizer bunny isn’t a bad child. We want them to understand that these kids are loving and sensitive people whose brain short-circuits, making them leave the planet.

Parents of ADHD children [POAC] don’t want to or need to here the usual idioms:

• “He’s a bad child”
• “All he needs is a good spanking”
• “Tell him to shut-up”
• “Can’t you make him sit still”
• “Can’t you teach him some manners”

since I’ve posted here in this blog. My apologies to all. I’ve got 3 other blogs I attend to and business has picked up a bit.

Sometimes I find it hard to write my thoughts with my son around. He still insists that I give him my undivided attention.

It’s hard for me to deal with him. I look at him and see a 26 year old man who acts pubescent.

“Mom, mom, what are you doing?” “Mom, I’m hungry, cook me something” “Mom, where are you going?” “Mom bring home some candy and chips”

He’s wearing on my nerves! He has this look in his eye as if he’s seeing an alien when he talks to me.

I’ll be back to post more about his exploits later.

Photo by Dominik Gwarek

Never in a million years did I think that time was a precious commodity. Time, time for myself! what was that?

Some days, I’d have to work 10 - 12 hour days then, come home and do the parent thing. When was there time for me? Time to take a quiet soak in a bubble bath, or sit down and read poetry or a book by my favorite fiction writer. I had to wait years for the luxury of quiet time.

Quiet time! Don’t make me laugh! All parents of ADHD kids know that the words quiet or the phrase — time for ones self, isn’t synonymous with an ADHD child. Especially a single parent dealing with this tedious situation. If there are two parents in the household, each one should make sure that the other can take time-outs to gather their thoughts — [so to speak] mentally leave the planet for a while.

I didn’t have that luxury. During Drew’s adolescent years, I couldn’t leave him home alone so, a baby sitter was needed. [Frankly, even when he became a teenager I didn't want to leave him home alone, I'd never know if the house would be left standing when I did. Of course having a baby sitter for a teenager was out of the question so, I naturally, had to take my chances.]

There was only me to carry the load. I’d work all day [night] at the Post Office then come home to take care of my busy little mister. There were times when I couldn’t find the time to sleep.

When I worked the night shift, I’d get off at 7 in the morning and had to go pick Drew up from the baby-sitter’s house. Baby sitting was very expensive and I couldn’t afford to pay the sitter extra hours so I could get some sleep.

Those days were interesting. I remember one day, in particular, I had picked Drew up from the sitter’s after working all night. I told myself that I was going to stay up until it was time to go to bed [I was off for the next couple of days]. This is when I broke one of my first and most important rules: don’t lie to yourself!

We were home and I had decided to let the t.v. baby sit Drew. I put Drew’s favorite movie into the VCR [Superman, we had the whole series] He seemed happy to watch and recite every line the actors were saying.

Well, I fell asleep, big mistake, big, Big, BIG mistake. While I was sleeping, Drew decided to help Mommy by cleaning the kitchen. He attempted to wash the dishes [I had to wash them over] but the catastrophe was that he decided to wash the kitchen floor.

Drew squirted dish soap on the floor then took a dust mop, not a mop, a dust mop and spread the soap all over the floor.

He came to me and woke me up to tell me he was hungry and to tell me that he helped me by cleaning the kitchen.

I got up and went into the kitchen. I took two steps onto the floor then, all of a sudden, both my feet became level with my eyes and I hit the floor.

I laid there, just laid there looking up at the ceiling. I remember asking God, “am I going to live through this” I wanted someone, something, ANYTHING, to take me away!

This was one of those times that I’d wish his Dad was around, to at least distract him, keep him busy so I could do things in peace. But, that wasn’t an option, his father wasn’t/isn’t ADHD but he’s pretty worthless and would have been then too.

Parents of ADHD children need help there’s no doubt about that. They/we, need time regenerate our minds and bodies.

I didn’t find that time until Drew was in school and I had my off days on those days. I remember Thursdays being my one off day. I’d get Drew off to school then it would be MY time.

I’d take a long hot bubble bath. I’d get a cool drink and get a book. Then I’d climb into the tub and just stay there!

Back when my son was a child there were no support groups. If you didn’t have family or friends to help then, you were out of luck like I was.

Now there are support groups and people are more educated when it comes to ADD/ADHD. These groups are full of parents and professionals who can give advice on how to handle your overly active child and give ideas on finding time to yourself.

I found this web site HealthyPlace, that gives tips on dealing with these hard to handle children.

1. One Thing At A time!
2. STAY CALM!
3. A firm routine
4. Establish a behavior modification plan.
5. Get support.

From my experience, getting support is of the utmost importance. I didn’t have that! If I had, I believe things for my son and I would have turned out different.

Some support groups:

C.H.A.D.D

The Parent Advocate Site

The Wild Child

Special Education Law

Coaching, For Parents

If you find yourself in the same situation as I was get help! These days there’s no excuse not to be able to find help. You deserve that special quality quiet time. If you have that, things will be better for you and your child.

Technorati Tags: ADD/ADHD, finding time for yurself, support groups, family, friends

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You can? Well, I wish someone would tell me how! Time’s tick, tick, ticking away!
Even Tarzan could be socialized. Although Tarzan was a fictional character, the thought was there, how to socialize someone brought up by apes.

That’s how I felt when I’d take Drew out to a restaurant or to the library, people would look at him and me as if we were a family of apes.

Do you know what it’s like to be in a restaurant and have someone at a table next to you with a child that’s talking loud and banging the forks, and spoons against the plates and glasses? It’s embarrassing!

There were times I wanted to scream “HE’S not a BAD kid, he’s just BUSY! or “I’m not a bad mother, just taxed to the hilt!”

Unfortunately, I didn’t have help or a support group to lean on. I was truly alone. Alone to raise a child who often left Earth to orbit Pluto or swing from the rings of Saturn.

What hurt me deeply, was the fact that Drew honestly didn’t and still doesn’t understand that he wears on people’s nerves. He thought [thinks] that he was [is] being friendly when in actuality, he’s alienating every living organism he comes in contact with, people, dogs, cats, cows [yes, he even scared a cow].

Telling an ADHD person NO is futile. They look at you as if the word no is a foreign language or as if you have two heads. People honestly thought that I never disciplined my son. I’m here to tell you, I DID!

As I stated earlier, I did spank him and tried time-outs. When he got old enough what did work was getting him into activities that would wear him [me] out. I had to learn how to be hyperactive. I had to find energy from somewhere to be able to go, go, GO.

But, taking my son out around other people in a social atmosphere was a huge problem. It had gotten to the point where going to restaurants or to visit friends and family was out of the question. He didn’t understand that his friendliness was unacceptable [you can't throw things at someone or run up and hit someone to show them affection] and friends and family didn’t or wouldn’t understand that Drew was [is] … different.

Drew’s now grown [26] and he still has no impulse control. Just last night [as with every night], he came into my room and threw a towel at the dog. Yes, he still comes into my room at night to tell me about something he’s seen on t.v. or to ask me “what are you doing.” I’m talking about 2 or 3 in the morning when, my eyes are closed and my mouth is open — he wants to know; “what are you doing Mom?”

When he comes into my room, the cat runs and hides [she's not stupid], the poor dog, he’s to big to climb under the bed — trust me, he would if he could.

I wish I’d known then, about teaching how to role-play. Yet, teaching him the different techniques for impulse control is futile, if the parent can’t be consistent or have someone else to help them when they’re not around. I had to work, babysitters wouldn’t take him to therapy, my parents wouldn’t take him so…

I found this web site: Social Skills 101|ADDitude -ADHD, it talks about role-playing and how the therapist helps the child think before he acts. The therapist helps the child: